There are times on every flight that you just wish there were a set of common sense rules that every passenger should be forced to obey. I’m not talking about the long list of laws or regulations that are in place now, but rules of basic common decency, humanity, respect and manners. Well now your prayers have been answered with the 10 commandments of Jetiquette every frequent flyer should follow!
We’ve all been there, stuck on a long haul flight for what seems like an eternity with what seems to be every sociopath and nutjob the powers that be could fit onto a single flight with you. You are stuck in an endless hell of having to endure their selfish behaviour in silent fury, unabe to voice your frustration with their behaviour lest your own actions are called into question and you are hauled off the plane in handcuffs on landing. Or even worse, you yourself might be displaying some of the behaviours and traits yourself, cardinal flying sins that causes every other passenger around you to dream happily of a thousand ways you could be removed from your seat permanently.
These same ill mannered grievances, behaviours and annoyances emerge on almost every flight to annoy the average passenger, the same inconsiderate people that cause all of our journeys to be almost intolerable descents into some airline hell.
So to solve all that, like some all knowing deity imparting wisdom via stone tablets, these rules should be displayed on every plane and recited by every steward and stewardess right after the safety announcements, aimed solely at those people who make long – and short – flights miserable for everyone. You know who you are!
The 10 Commandments Of Jetiquette.
(Or How To Behave On A Flight!)
Thou shall be considerate of other passengers. Your imagined rights and comforts should not impose on anyone elses rights or comfort.
Thou shall not recline your seat like a moron and cause pain or discomfort to the unfortunate sould behind you. You do not have the right to comfort at the expense of someone elses pain or discomfort.
Thou shall be courteous and respectful to the flight attendants. They are only doing a job and get enough hassle without you adding to it. And no, they are not there to babysit your child or be your personal bartender, and no they do not want your phone number.
Thou shalt control your annoying, screaming, tantrum throwing children. Crying babies are given leniency by the Gods of flying only because they cannot help their actions but only if the parents are trying to console the child and do something about it. And just like flight attendants, other passengers also do not want to be babysitters or playmates for your children so just control them.
Though shall ensure your personal hygiene is maintained and shall refrain from releasing any noxious bodily gasses. Bringing on board any foul smelling food item is just selfish and obnoxious.
Thou shall use the space in the overhead bin directly above your seat, not your space and every other bin around it. People in other seats want to use their own space for their own luggage.
Thou shall refrain from bringing on far too much luggage as carry on that obviousy should have been checked in and you shall refrain from taking up all the overhead bin space. Gate agents inability to enforce airline policy is not permission to be a dick. You are allowed one small bag. Deal with it.
Thou shall buy two seats if you are too fat to squeeze into one. You do not have the right to half of my seat for free.
Thou shall never get drunk before or during a flight. No one wants to put up with your drunken behaviour and no one wants to feel the cabin may explode at any moment with your alcohol filled combustable stench.
Thou shall not be a head rest grabber. If you must get up during the flight push yourself up with your armrests and don’t catapult the seat in front of you into the back of someones head.
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Had a small child spit in my girlfriends face on a flight the other day … sounds horrible, but after incident that I might pay to sit in an adults only section of a plane. The mum did make the child apologies admittedly, the dad seemed to find it all very amusing however.
Good read mate!
Thanks mate, glad you enjoyed it! Sorry to hear about your girlfriends experience though that must have been horrible! Personally I say make the parents pay for the privelige of a child only section, they are the ones inconveniencing everyone else why should we be out of pocket?
Amen to that! I agree with all of the above. I find it utterly bizarre that economy seats recline, even when the seat in front is up, my knees are usually against the front seat and i’m not even very tall, there is nothing worse.
Parents with kids have a right to holidays too of course, but I agree, control them, keep them entertained and don’t expect passengers to find them endearing.
Thanks! Glad you agree. 🙂 I think it is about time minimum standards for seating were brought in. I agree too that parents and children have a right to travel, that goes without saying. It is just those who don’t control – or at the least make zero effort to control – their unruly little brats that I think are unacceptable.
Number 5, yes, especially number 5!
Haha, have you sat next to a few stinkers Daniel?